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Learning faster through fun: developing powerful Clear Communication tools that work for you |
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If your self esteem is low (say a 3) and someone treats you well (say as a 7) – though you may like the treatment you will feel like the person doesn’t really see you as they treat you better than you honestly (if secretly) feel you deserve to be treated –no matter what you tell others. You may feel they are foolish as they are fooled by the outside image and they don’t see the real you. One of the most important things in a relationship is that we feel the other person really sees us. If with low self esteem (say a 3), however, you are treated badly (say as a 3), you may not like the way you are treated but (secretly) emotionally feel like the person sees you and gets who you really are. If you honestly feel you are a 7 (honestly like, value and appreciate yourself) you’ll like it when someone treats you like a 7 and feel they really see you. If someone treats you like a 3, however, you will not stand for that sort of treatment. As people it is essential that someone with whom we are close actually sees who we are, gets Us. You cannot be emotionally close with someone or really respect someone you feel does not see who you really are. We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. If we sacrifice ourselves for others, eventually we have nothing left to give of ourselves to those we supposedly gave so much up for. Take single parents for example, they often run them-selves ragged to try do everything for their kids but as they do not nurture themselves they often have northing left to give. This does three main damaging things: 1/ Demonstrates to the world they are not worth nurturing as they do not nurture themselves. 2/ Demonstrates to the child that you must sacrifice yourself for love. 3/ Leaves them drained and builds resentment over time. Children learn development of their Self-Esteem from the tangible actions of their parents. It doesn’t matter what you say to them. It does matter the way you actually feel about yourself and treat yourself. They see everything and it all soaks in. Children also experience poor quality attention and caring from someone who does not nurture themselves or take care of their own nurturing needs. There is a level of resentment, which underlies sacrificial service to others that people pick up on. Ownership and nurturing are essential to good self-esteem. Doing what you do as you see a specific benefit for yourself and making sure you replenish yourself so you have something to give. Just like on an aircraft when they give the safety warning, you must put on your oxygen mask first, and then help small children. Develop your self-esteem first, then help develop it in your children and those you care about – by example. Creating better self esteem
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